Macross: Confusion
by Misa Hayase
Summary: This story is a rewriting of events from the last two episodes of Macross: Romanesque and Goodbye, Tenderness (Season's Greetings and To the Stars, respectively for Robotech fans). I've not deviated from the original storyline of this amazing series; instead, my goal was to add more depth and introspection to the characters - especially Hikaru who faces a large personal dilemma.
1. Chapter 1

The sound of four valkyries soaring overhead in the frigid winter sky rang out. Hikaru's breath visibly expelled before him as his shoulders rose and fell a little more vigorously than usual. He'd ran there as fast as he could make it, just to see her... or, correctly, to finally catch up with her. There were heavy questions that demanded equally heavy answers.

It was Christmas, a day Hikaru and the majority of the recovering population of Earth should have been enjoying at home. Instead, it was tainted by suffering at the hands of Kamjin's clan who had devastated the industrial sector of New Macross City in their quest to secure a source of Protoculture. After his last defeat by underestimating his enemies, the Zentraedi tyrant was prepared this time. Not only did he find the generator to supply the power he needed for reasons that were, at the time, unbeknownst to the humans, he ensured his escape in violently successful style: Explosions rocked that part of the city as his fleet raced away from the raging fires and chaos left in the wake of the attack.

The military broke off immediate pursuit to tend to the devastating wreckage, attempting to save as much precious life as possible. Late into the evening, soldiers and volunteers tirelessly labored to douse the flames, transport the injured to hospitals, and reunite families torn apart; anything to provide the slightest bit of comfort for the victims of an act that couldn't have happened at a worse time.

Hikaru had been at it for hours since late afternoon until the screen before him illuminated. Shammy's face appeared.

"Commander Ichiijo, the next rotation is arriving now. Your squadron is cleared for return."

Something was gnawing at him and it only augmented every time he saw Shammy over the last few days. It wasn't particularly the young woman's fault although she was a bit flighty at times; instead, it was the person who was _not_ present: Commander Misa Hayase.

Misa and he nearly always worked the same shifts in the past, her voice being the one to provide instruction and guidance to Hikaru and all pilots on duty. However, since the events of last week... that had all changed.

Hikaru knew he did something terrible to her: He stood her up. He knew she had feelings for him and even so, he left her sitting at a cafe outside all day in the cold, waiting to go on the picnic he promised her. But he didn't show up. Instead, Hikaru found himself responding to Minmay's request to meet him, but it had all gone wrong as usual.

That decision was one he strongly regretted because since that day exactly one week ago, Misa completely avoided any contact with him to the point of even rescheduling her shifts, it appeared. There was no contact, no way to communicate with her. Of course, she had reason to be angry, but now he was the one who was irate and it was for a much different reason.

The dark-haired pilot was a mixture of fatigued, angered, and confused as his blue eyes burned through the woman who stood nearly reluctantly before him. The SDF-1 was the backdrop to the scene, and the large circular pool it rested in glistened as snowflakes lazily drifted down from the night sky.

"Vanessa told me you were leaving. I'm glad I finally caught up with you," Hikaru declared to Misa's face with no attempt to hide the anger in his tone. "Why, Misa?"

She averted her eyes downward and turned her face to the water; even now, she hadn't said a word yet. Her breath was visible in the coldness, expelled through lips only slightly parted.

"Why wasn't I alerted as soon as the attack happened this afternoon?!" Hikaru exclaimed then. Balling his fists tightly, he raised them close to his chest as he continued his barrage against her. "I heard about it on the radio that a scramble was issued and when I asked Vanessa why the hell the bridge didn't alert me, she told me you said I was sick in bed! What the hell is that, Misa?!"

Her eyebrows furrowed then, lips opening slightly. The brunette's face showed absolutely no sign of the fury Hikaru thought he'd meet. Instead, she just seemed... saddened? Hurt? It was almost as if that fire eternally burning within her had been dampened to ashes. This actually caught Hikaru off guard and his features softened in the slightest. One of his narrowed brows eased up slightly into an expression akin to consternation.

"You should be more discreet when you have company," Misa replied. Her voice was quiet, face and eyes still off to the side.

"...What-?" Hikaru began to inquire, but he was interrupted by Misa.

She turned her face to him with her eyes closed as she spoke matter-of-factly, "I know. She's living with you now." Then, those lashes parted revealing her verdant orbs to the pilot finally.

The man's jaw loosened, his mouth opening but no sound coming forth. What she managed to speak left him completely shocked now, as a feeling of guilt and even dread swept over him. Looking directly into her eyes momentarily before she averted them down again gave Hikaru a glimpse of what the woman was going through on the inside. Indeed, it was guilt he was feeling now.

Minmay - a complete picture of desperation with tears streaming down her face - had appeared at his doorstep the last evening, begging to stay with him. Of course, Hikaru obliged; he wasn't the kind of person to turn away people he cared about. Or was he? After all, there he was standing with Misa in a heavy atmosphere his actions alone created.

Still unsure how to respond, Hikaru raised a gloved hand to his face, brushing it over his forehead and then up into his soft, wavy hair. Well, Misa's two sentence response explained everything about her actions as of late. It wasn't right what happened earlier and he was still put off by it, but to chide her for that now seemed likened to kicking a wounded animal.

He had wanted to apologize to her for what happened last week, but her perfect avoidance of his person stopped him from fulfilling that wish. To go from not being able to right his previous wrong to something even more hurtful...

Speaking of which, he wasn't rightly sure how she found out about Minmay anyway, as it still felt like a dream to Hikaru himself. He hadn't even had the time to process the implications of the singer's presence at his quarters, nor did he know how long she would linger.

As Hikaru searched for the words to say, the frame of the SDF-1 suddenly illuminated with soft colors section by section: the great ship had been adorned with Christmas lights which all now glowed warmly against the dark sky.

The pilot turned his face to the spectacular display, drawing in a deep breath of chilled air as the silence prevailed a moment more. It was then that Misa broke it by softly saying, "Merry Christmas, Ichiijo." as she turned on her heels.

Hikaru's bangs shifted over his eye and sprang back into position as he turned his head quickly, watching her walk off. He made no move to go after her, though the voice in his head told him to. Maybe all he needed to do was say something, anything; anything would be better than standing there in uncomfortable silence. Something held him back, however. He told himself that he wasn't sure what it was.

He knew though. He was confused by his own feelings. Misa cared about him; that much he was privy to. She had vanished out of his sight by this time and he found himself groaning. Worn out physically and mentally from the day, Hikaru leaned his right arm into that white railing. Suddenly, he just rolled his body to the left almost lazily, both elbows catching the top of the rail now and supporting his frame as he slouched down against it. Discouraging at times, this life. His face raised to the sky and a heavy sigh left his lips.

What just happened was Misa saying goodbye to him. And he did nothing to stop it. Surely it would have been different if Minmay weren't at his abode this very moment. But with that situation being true, what could he possibly say? Hikaru straightened himself out then, running a hand through his hair to shake off the little snow that had accumulated in it.

Minmay. She was waiting for him back home. This was what he always wanted, having someone to go home to... someone who cared that he survived his shift. His young years were spent longing for that person to be Minmay and that dream which he thought would never come true was now reality. But at the moment, he felt no happiness or satisfaction.

After adjusting his warm overcoat, he then fixed his scarf; it was a rich burgundy. The white one Minmay gave him with their initials sewn into it was currently in a box under his bed. That thought crossed his mind momentarily as he began his walk home with hands buried in his pockets. He shook his head at one point during the trip.


	2. Chapter 2

It was erring on eleven o'clock now. Just how long had she been sitting in this chair? With her elbows on the table, Minmay's small hands were clasped, her forehead leaning against them. Her eyes were closed. She'd turned down the lights a long time ago because they were bright and bothered her eyes. Were all military quarters equipped with this lighting or was it Hikaru's preference? The question crossed her mind, and then she wondered why she was inquiring seemingly trivial matters to herself.

It was no matter at all, actually. This was the life she wanted. After spending years with Kaifun, her self esteem had dwindled down to very little along with her happiness. Just thinking about that bastard was enough to make her feel angry. Her relationship with him had started as the brightest flame, incited by the excitement of kick starting her superstar career. Unfortunately, that passion burned out quickly, as the stress of Minmay's profession took its toll on them both as a couple and individually. It had been a long time since she felt loved and appreciated as a woman, not some pop star idol. Kaifun once gave her those butterflies...

But she didn't love him. No, that's why she was at Hikaru's. With Hikaru, she could be happy. The corner of her lips twitched up into the slightest smile she forced on her face. Yes, this tense situation would dissolve into pure happiness. Sitting in a chair for hours, wondering and worrying and praying and hoping... It wouldn't be every day. ...At least that's what Minmay told herself. She had very little idea, though.

Keys against a lock suddenly graced the woman's ears and then the door opened. Hikaru stepped inside, his hand extended as he flicked the light on. Minmay's torso immediately erected in her chair as her hands fell open-palmed to the table.

"Hey!" the pilot's voice greeted her. "Why are you sitting in the dark?"

Minmay stood up, tears welling in her eyes. She felt a great deal of relief to see Hikaru safely standing there. She wouldn't have to wait around any more or face her own misery alone.

"I'm so.. glad!" she stammered, a hand coming up to her face and wiping two tears that strayed from her eyes. "God, I must look terrible! Just give me a second!"

She took off into the bathroom to tend to the worries over her appearance, leaving Hikaru standing in his kitchen. After she disappeared, his eyes wandered over to the table where a full meal complete with a cake and red candles waited for him. Minmay cooked a Christmas dinner for him and while it didn't exactly look like a gourmet masterpiece it still warmed him to think she did it for him. No one had cooked for him in years. ...Except Misa with her picnic basket that he never even got to open thanks to his own stupidity.

Hikaru shook that thought off and slipped his coat off his shoulders, hanging it up. As he began fumbling with his scarf to undo it, he walked back over to the table, smiling down at it. The cake was lopsided. It was cute.

Suddenly, Minmay's arms slipped out from behind him, enclosing around his chest. The side of her face rested against his shoulder blade and she closed her eyes as she uttered sweetly, "I made it all for you."

Hikaru's chin hit his shoulder to catch a glimpse of her dark hair and his back relaxed slightly, melting into her embrace. Minmay rubbed her forehead against the fabric of his uniform twice before she continued, "Hikaru, I don't ever want to lose you."

It was awfully funny how life weaved itself around the people living it. Just like that, the empty chasm that both Hikaru and Minmay felt - the same glass named loneliness they shared - was filled, if only temporarily. But even if this embrace wouldn't last forever, it must have carried value because for the first time in a long time, Hikaru felt an ease wash over him. He had an underlying sense that it was all spurious emotion and that he was getting caught up in teenage dreams again. For the time, that would do though.. Yeah, for that night, that would be just fine.

After eating, the plates were rinsed and placed in the sink to be dealt with later. A bottle of rose was cocked downwards, the pink wine spilling into two dainty flute glasses. Minmay placed the bottle down on the table and then reached for the light switch. The room went dark and she carefully made her way back to her chair across from Hikaru but didn't sit. Her slender fingers lit a match and carefully moved the flame to relight the candle on the cake.

Her face glowed against the candle's dancing light as she spoke softly, "Merry Christmas, Hikaru."

"Merry Christmas, Minmay," he replied in a tone that equaled her own as he too stood up from his seat. He followed her action as she leaned over, closing her eyes. Their lips met then, hands intertwining next. It wouldn't be the last thing they shared that evening.


	3. Chapter 3

_The bar was dark, dim lighting softly glowing above them from the ceiling structures they dangled from, a pleasing combination of pearl, sapphire, and royal purple._

_"Oy, Hikaru!" Roy's rough voice rang out, his deep tone even scratchier from the whiskey. A fist pounded the bar table, making everyone's drink shake and his free hand pointed at his black-haired friend. "Your problem is you're too up tight! Look at you. Fallin' in love is like goin' to battle. Don'tchu understand me? If you love a woman, you need t'a be prepared to fight for her and make her yours by whatever means possible!"_

_"Roy!" Claudia hissed, knocking him on the shoulder with her knuckles. "Stop that drunken banter. You're annoying them." She averted her dark eyes towards Misa and Hikaru who sat across from them, neither looking too comfortable about it._

_The blond cracked his neck and rolled his head to the side, facing Claudia. He looked directly in her eyes as the hand previously pointing at Hikaru came up to her cheek and cupped it. He pulled her lips in for a quick kiss. Breaking it, Roy's mouth trailed down to her chin and he raised his eyes to Hikaru._

_"Take notes, kiddo. Live for today, but don't forget who's gonna be there for you tomorrow."_

_"Oh shut up!" Claudia retorted in a playful manner as she pushed him away. "You talk too much."_

_"I take it you prefer me using my mouth in other ways?"_

_"Roy..."_

Hikaru's blue eyes opened then, the green numbers of his LED clock informing him it was just after 3:30AM. He stared at them as he realized he was just now dreaming. A slight movement from Minmay reminded Hikaru that she was right next to him in the same bed. After all this time, it finally happened. To his disappointment, he didn't feel like the testosterone-high superman he thought he would years ago. The good feelings from before had dissipated like pretty bubbles floating in the air. The dream he had didn't help matters.

Roy had spoken those words to him, or something like them, in the same bar and in front of the same people as in that dream. Now he was revisiting Hikaru with that advice. Why?

Hikaru kept staring at the clock. The time changed to 03:33. Why was he thinking of Misa now, especially at a time like this when Minmay of all people should have been filling his thoughts? He closed his eyes. This guilt was so heavy.

He had nothing to fret over, he reminded himself. He wasn't dating Misa. It seemed every time he felt his heart begin to open up to her, some kind of interruption drove him away. Maybe it was a sign. His relationship with her never seemed to elevate to a more advanced stage. It may have been his fault actually, but he couldn't help keeping distance at times... Sometimes, he got cold feet but he didn't understand why. With his eyes closed tightly, Hikaru tried to silence his thoughts to no avail.

His arm was raised and dropped across his forehead then, followed by yet another deep exhale from the pilot before he pushed his torso up and quietly slipped out of bed. Silently, his feet slid into the slippers resting on the floor and he walked through the darkness into the kitchen. As he extended a glass below the faucet and filled it with water, Hikaru told himself he was being stupid. Certainly, he of all people should be appreciative of this situation now with Minmay. The glass was raised to his lips and he drank all of it in several gulps.

Hikaru turned his back to the sink and leaned against it, empty glass still in his hand as he crossed his arms and gazed out into the darkness of his quarters. He had told Minmay she was overreacting the night she showed up, shivering and sobbing. Perhaps he needed to take his own advice. His own thoughts were making waves on what seemed to be smooth sailing waters. But were they really? Because at the same time, that feeling of something just not being right was still present. It sincerely bothered him. Maybe it had to do with his inability to resolve the situation with Misa. Maybe the issue lied elsewhere.

After several moments of these thoughts, he began thinking of his long and arduous shift that day. The tears streaming down the faces of children and adults, desperation, confusion, destruction, injuries, and death... All of those memories stimulated a weary feeling in his brain and his body succumbed. Most welcoming of that, Hikaru placed his glass into the sink and made his way back to bed sans a noise. His eyes fell closed as his nude skin hit the sheets and he fell back asleep soon after.

Minmay's eyes squeezed together and opened as a loud noise brought her to consciousness from her sleep. She turned her face suddenly as she became aware enough to know the culprit was Hikaru, snoring loudly next to her. Looking at this man beside her, she could see he slept on his back, mouth wide open.

She reached up with one hand and rubbed at the inner corners of her eyes, removing crust that had formed and tried to fall asleep again, but that proved hard thanks to Hikaru's mouth. Her blue eyes opened again slowly. …It was annoying.

Minmay rolled over on her side facing away from Hikaru as she pulled the blanket up to her chin, staring at the white wall before her. Hikaru as a lover was different than what she had imagined; not terrible, not amazing. The singer found herself comparing him to other men she'd been with – including Kaifun. Kaifun, as much of a terrible person he turned out to be in later years, thrilled her to no end. When they became intimate, Minmay found herself feeling liberated: free, like she was flying and empowered by a strong love she had for him.

It wasn't anything to do with Hikaru physically. No, it must have been her fault trying to force an emotional connection with him that simply wasn't there. Even that one time she wound up going back to a bartender's apartment, she found herself feeling fresh and new again, even if it lasted only a few hours. But tonight granted her no such luxury.

Minmay pushed the side of her face into the pillow then. She knew she was being terrible to compare Hikaru to other men. As the dark-haired man continued to snore away, the woman next to him wondered just what it was that felt so wrong.

She had feelings for Hikaru. She believed she could be happy with him... but not at the expense of her own sanity, sitting in a chair and staring at a wall for hours wondering if he was alive or dead, healthy or injured. After hearing about the labors of his day, Minmay realized every day would carry the same burden. Hikaru could be called in for duty at any time and he would have no choice but to respond, leaving her to face all the same anxiety over and over. She recognized she was foolish to assume otherwise; this day would probably be repeated many times.

At the time, Minmay had no imminent desire to go on singing so worries of traveling wasn't a problem, but it would be nice to get to see the recovering cities through the eyes of a normal person. She'd been all over, but never had the time or energy to walk around and really appreciate all of the culture being restored. How she would have liked to see that with someone... Hikaru could be that person, if only he weren't in the military.

The woman's eyebrows suddenly furrowed then at the inner corners as she pondered the conclusion she was headed to. If Hikaru quit the military... and she stayed away from performing... and if they had this relationship that surely wouldn't be broken... it would make sense to seal their happiness with marriage.

...Marry Hikaru? Minmay's large eyes remained open, almost doe-like, as she thought hard about that possibility. To never be alone again, to feel young and sexy and desirable and loved... To have someone who cared about her and would look after her and treasure her... To finally have the stability in her life she longed years for...

...Marry Hikaru? Was it true that she honestly never wanted to sing again? For the time, it was a much needed break. Perhaps she could land a gig performing in a bar or club regularly after things settled down and she was happier. That happiness would be delivered from Hikaru, of course... Of course, it would come in time.

Marry... Hikaru...?

Hikaru snored particularly loudly at that very moment, and his breathing suddenly shifted to quiet.

To be continued.


	4. Chapter 4

The door swooshed open, a pair of green high heeled shoes stepping through until it soon closed again. Looking around, Claudia's hips swayed as she walked forward to see a chair which was devoid of the person she sought: Misa. The old girl had done well indeed and the location of her post was nothing less than impressive; Misa's current position was something of envy with her desk situated on a high platform in a busy room of officers going about their duty below.

Claudia's fingertips fell upon her friend's neatly maintained desk as she leaned forward and peered out from the platform, her eyes scanning the large space in attempt to catch Misa down there... but there was no sign of her.

Turning to the right, the tall, dark-skinned woman's gaze set upon Vanessa who was diligently working at her own desk with her back to her. She tapped the heel of one shoe against the floor and spoke out then to announce her presence, "So where's the commander?"

Vanessa, taken by surprise, jumped slightly and immediately swiveled around in her chair. "Claudia!" Those large glasses on her face never came off whether she was reading or looking off into the distance. A fingertip fell upon the middle of the frame as she slid them up her nose. "She stepped out a little while ago for some air." Vanessa's blue eyes shifted left and right then and she stood up, getting a bit closer to Claudia so she could speak softly. Just above a whisper, she inquired, "Is it me, or has Misa been acting a little... off recently?"

Claudia's shoulders rose into a shrug, her palms open and facing the ceiling as she closed her eyes momentarily. "I have no opinion on that matter... at least not while on duty."

Vanessa's eyebrows narrowed a little, her lips pursing and sticking out into a slight pout; she, Kim, and Shammy had each earned the title of gossip monger and Claudia never failed to tease them about it in subtle or blatant ways.

"I'll check outside then," Claudia continued, as her hands returned to her sides. "If she returns in the next few minutes, let her know Admiral Global requested her presence on the old bridge."

"Yes, ma'am."

Claudia walked towards the exit, pausing to look at Vanessa once over her shoulder with a wink, "You have my gratitude, loose lips." She disappeared into the hall, the door open long enough for her to hear Vanessa retorting, "HEY!" before it slid shut again.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

A cold breeze carried a dry brown leaf through the air until it was dropped off and abandoned in the same deep pool of water the SDF-1 rested in. Strands of her chestnut brown hair were blown across her face as the wind whisked by like a lazy artist's paintbrush thrown across a sheet of paper. However, instead of color, all that was left was a chill that penetrated Misa's uniform, leaving her with not one inkling of warmth neither physically nor in her thoughts. Some of the hair that strayed clung to the moist skin of her face, and a small hand rose to push it away; it only cleared the path for another fresh, warm tear to roll down and off her jaw. The teardrop hit the cold rail her other hand clung to.

Considering the quiet nature of the morning, Misa informed Vanessa that she needed some fresh air. And it was here, standing on the lowest outlook deck of the SDF-1, that she found herself for well over a half hour despite the December chill. This location was a particularly suitable place to find some scarce alone time as it wasn't easily accessed or seen by prying eyes; the time and privacy it offered was something she desperately needed to attempt to piece herself together. The woman would need every ounce of strength that could be mustered this morning for what she intended to do.

The small platform was guarded by a simple white rail she now used to support herself on. The hand that brushed by her face previously returned and clutched the bar as Misa's knees bent, sinking to the floor with her her face hidden into the fabric of the uniform covering one extended arm. With those green eyes squeezed shut, her digits tightened around the rail and her lips parted. A sharp, frigid breath was sucked into her lungs as she attempted to bring her tears under control.

"_Hikaru, please... Please let me stay!"_

Minmay's sweet, accented voice had begged Hikaru just like that and he relented. Years of knowing him... years of feelings that had developed and magnified and deepened... All of this time, emotion, and effort Misa invested would ultimately meet its demise, all because the fickle superstar Minmay had decided to finally show up at Hikaru's door. Where in the world was she all this time that Misa had spent watching over Hikaru from her control station, protecting his life and that of other pilots with her instructions? Where was Minmay when Hikaru was eating dinner alone in the mess hall? Where was she for a coffee break or lunch or any time when Misa kept him company? Did she ever once call to check up on him if it didn't involve her own benefit in some way?

Misa rubbed her dampened eyelashes against her sleeve again and then she stared out into the water. No... This was nothing new. Despite how she tried so hard to succeed in winning the pilot's affection, Misa would always remain in a painfully dark shadow to the Chinese woman who was younger, more beautiful, more talented... A celebrity and not just a nagging superior officer.

Naturally, it was cold outside and Misa shivered slightly, but besides that slight motion she remained statue-like, staring blankly off into nothing. Her hands remained gripping on the ice cold rail as if the temperature didn't bother her. In actuality, it didn't as her mind was occupied by much heavier thoughts.

"Kyun, kyun! Kyun, kyun! My boyfriend is a pilot!" sang Minmay over and over in her most popular song. The sound of her voice, her cute flirty giggle, her superstar appearance: everything about her appeared utterly glamorous. All she had to do was simply waltz straight back into Hikaru's life after barely any contact and he would drop to his knees. And he did.

"It's over," Misa softly declared to no one as everything once again raced through her head. Silence lingered after that for a few moments until she reiterated the fact as if to finally convince herself. "...It's over."

Slowly, she rose back to her feet, yet another deep breath being drawn into her chest. This was reality and it had to be accepted. Hikaru was gone. Every hope and dream she had pinned on being loved was shattered not once but twice - by one man who was dead and another who lived. Accepting Karl's death was no easy matter, but Misa could throw herself into her duty and drown in it until the pain became numb. But Hikaru? To see him every day with these feelings, and know she could never ever be anything more to him... Misa's eyes closed. This was impossible... And the only solution was to forfeit him. But doing that meant also forfeiting the only life she'd ever known: duty.

Suddenly, the sound of three patrol valkyries soaring across the gray cloudy sky became apparent and the grieving officer's lashes opened once more, her head tilted back. She watched them fly off in a direction headed away from Macross City. It was nothing out of the ordinary but in the situation unfolding on that overlook, it was rather symbolic... That was exactly what Misa intended to do herself.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Hikaru's blue eyes caught sight of those same valkyries moments later as they streaked across the sky above his quarters. He was sitting pensively by his window, gazing out of it and completely lost in his thoughts yet again. To be truthful, the morning had been slightly uncomfortable. He'd woken up before Minmay and decided to step out into that cold air for a brisk walk. When Hikaru returned, she was awake and pouring water for coffee. The words they exchanged were simply meaningless. "Did you sleep well?" and "Oh yes, I can sleep anywhere." It was a forced conversation where anything would be said to lessen the awkwardness of the moment.

A tray with two cups balanced upon it between her hands, Minmay approached Hikaru and set it down on a nearby table. The pilot turned his head to her, the corners of his lips twitching into a slight smile as he nodded in appreciation. He then turned his attention back to outside.

"Hikaru..." Minmay's soft voice graced his ears. "Don't you ever get tired of killing?"

Utterly caught off guard by what seemed to be a question from far left field, his attention snapped back on to her and he stammered, "Wh—what?"

She wandered over to his bed and sat down across from him. "Being a solider must be terrible work... with all the killing and destruction."

Hikaru's eyes closed and his head fell slightly, a hand coming up to meet his brow. His reply wasn't angered, though his tone erred on it. "I'm not in the military because I like those things, Minmay. I don't know anyone else who enlisted for those reasons either."

"Well, you know, you don't have to go on doing it... I can just imagine how draining it is," the young woman continued as she gazed outside then, observing a couple walking by hand-in-hand. Smiles were on their faces as they chatted. "It's so hard living with regret, Hikaru... and the life we both lead is only filled with that."

He raised his eyes then and cocked his head questioningly. "What do you mean?"

"Think of everything we're missing out on. There's a huge world out there and it's just passing us by because we're forced to live serving others... I mean, me with my music and you in the army. Everyone expects us to be okay with sacrificing everything for all of them. It's so unfair."

Hikaru's facial features contorted then. He knew Minmay was going through a hard time but he couldn't pinpoint where all of this talk was leading to; reading into the cryptic messages of emotions wasn't his strong point, after all, and he knew it damn well. However, he also knew she was acting incredibly selfish. That was nothing new though.

"All of the people you're complaining about have come to depend on us because that's what our jobs involve, Minmay. They need you for inspiration and me for protection. It's not their fault because this is the life we both chose on our own."

"Then I choose not to sing anymore!" Minmay exclaimed then, her hands hitting the edge of the bed next to her thighs.

"Huh?! You can't be serious right now! Singing was your dream!"

She threw her chin into her shoulder, closing her eyes. In a more calm voice, she then explained further, "I can't go on performing. Not when I feel this way." Her eyes opened and she looked back out the window. "It's true. I shot to fame and I got arrogant. I didn't appreciate or treasure what I should have because I was so caught up in the entertainment business. It all happened so quickly."

Minmay leaned forward, her cold hands extended to Hikaru's own warm ones and she grasped them tightly. "You say singing was my dream. But it wasn't the ONLY one I had. Don't you remember... after we first met? ...When we were trapped inside the SDF-1?"

_x-x-x-x_

_The tears overflowed, falling down her porcelain cheeks as Minmay shouted, "It's been too long! They'll give up looking for us and we'll die here alone!"_

"_Minmay!" Hikaru grabbed her shoulders in attempt to calm her down but she just shook out of his grasp, turning her back to him and walking several steps forward. "Please... don't talk like that. I'm positive someone will find us! You can't give up hope when it's all we have."_

_She brought her hands up and pushed the tears away before she turned to face him again. "I'm sorry. It's just that all I ever wanted was to be a singer and a bride. Now I'll never get the chance to be either!"_

_His mouth opened and closed. Even when the young woman was crying and desperately seeking comfort, she was stunningly beautiful. He would do whatever it took to make her smile again. And so, Hikaru leaned forward and took her hands. "You will."_

"_How?!" Minmay spit out._

"_Right here, right now. I'll help you. Let's have a wedding ceremony."_

_x-x-x-x_

"Hikaru... Let's go back to that time!" Minmay exclaimed, pulling hard on his hands and looking him dead in the eyes. "Before you were a pilot and I was a singer! Let's get married!"

Hikaru's azure eyes widely opened, his lips parting and he outright stammered, "M-married?!"

He had no chance to say anything further because Minmay kept speaking. "I know you need to think heavily about giving up on the army and I'm willing to wait as long as you need to come to that decision, Hikaru. I told you last night. I never want to lose you again. So please... please think about it."

Hikaru just stared down at her face, his spine rigid with shock written all over his expression. "O...Okay. I will."

The inner corner of Minmay's eyebrows eased up as she looked a little sad suddenly. All she wanted him was to tell her he didn't even need to ponder the possibility. She wanted him to say an immediate, a definite yes.

With the change in her expression, Hikaru realized his response wasn't exactly comforting and so his hands tightened on her own. Attempting to make up for it and bide time, he repeated himself a little softer now, "...I will."

Her gaze broke from his to look down at their entwined digits. "...Thank you." The singer's reply was very quiet. With that, she stood up, fingers slipping from his gently and she silently removed herself from his presence.

The cups of tea Minmay brought into the room previously were left untouched and would stay that way. Hikaru watched her take off into the kitchen and he stared long after she vanished. His eyes opened widely then, head turning to the side and a now empty hand pushed up over his forehead. It trailed through his hair and down to the back of his neck.

A sigh broke free from his lips. If that wasn't the most surprising moment of his life, it might have been the most frightening. Something worse lingered, though; a stale feeling of truly not knowing what to do or even think at the moment. Without the slightest warning, Minmay dropped a huge weight into his lap and Hikaru wasn't rightly sure if he should attempt to lift it or push it off.

One thing was certain. Hikaru lifted his gaze back to the sky as snow gently fell again. He had a decision to make and his intuition said that either path he chose would be wrong.

**x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x**

**Author's Note**

Thank you so much for reading my story! For those following it, once again thank you and I apologize for the long time between updates. I've been incredibly busy recently with moving across countries... It's left me little time to do any writing at all. Now that things are settling down a bit, I hope to bring the next chapter sooner than later. Until then, take care!


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